Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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