I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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