hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
