Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
