she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
