so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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