I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
