there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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