shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
