the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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