dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
