The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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