Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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