After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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