you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
