Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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