just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
