Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
