Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
