Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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