hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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