never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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