Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
