Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Randomize
