Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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