I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
