at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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