walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
