Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
