I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
