what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
