Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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