your room smells of hookers.
And success
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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