it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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