Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
