I CAN MOONWALK!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
