you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
