we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
