just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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