standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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