According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
