guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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