i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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