I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i was born a porn star she said
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
