How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
