Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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