I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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