I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
