iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
