just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
