I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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