so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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